Marriage in Tivland

Author: SimeonKing

Marriage, also referred to as matrimony or wedlock, represents a culturally and frequently legally acknowledged partnership between individuals known as spouses. It establishes a framework of rights and responsibilities among the spouses, as well as between them and their children (if applicable) and their extended family members. Marriage is a nearly universal concept across cultures, yet its definition can vary significantly across different societies and religions, and it may evolve over time. Typically, it is an institution that recognizes or sanctions interpersonal relationships, often of a sexual nature. In certain cultures, marriage is strongly recommended or even considered a prerequisite before engaging in sexual activity. The formal celebration of a marriage is commonly known as a wedding (Ivese).

Globally, there has been a growing movement to promote equal rights for women and eliminate discrimination against couples who come from diverse ethnic, racial, religious, denominational, caste, or same-sex backgrounds. Ongoing debates revolve around issues such as the legal status of married women, addressing domestic violence within marriages, and customs like dowries and bride prices. Additionally, there are discussions about the appropriate age for marriage and the legality of premarital and extramarital sexual relations. People may choose to marry for various reasons, including legal, social, romantic, emotional, financial, spiritual, political, and religious motivations. Some regions of the world still practice customs like arranged marriages, child marriages, polygamy, coverture, forced marriages, cousin marriages, and even sibling marriages, while others have prohibited them in the interest of safeguarding human rights. The age at which females marry is a significant indicator of female autonomy and is a subject of ongoing economic history research. The question of marital equality between spouses is considered a sensitive topic in Western society, whereas in Tiv culture, wives are generally expected to exhibit respect and loyalty towards their husbands. In many African traditions, it is customary for wives to practice submission to their husbands.

Marriage can be recognized and formalized by various entities, such as a state, an organization, a religious authority, a tribal community, a local society, or peers. It is often regarded as a contractual agreement. A religious marriage, in particular, is conducted by a religious institution to acknowledge and establish the rights and obligations associated with matrimony according to that faith. Various faith traditions have distinct terms for religious marriage, such as sacramental marriage in Catholicism, nikah in Islam, nissuin in Judaism, each with its own specific criteria and regulations regarding what constitutes a valid religious marriage and who can enter into one.

Indeed, there has been a transformation in Tiv cultural practices regarding marriage. In the contemporary Tiv society, there is a distinct approach to marriage, where in-laws do not engage in marital relationships. For instance, if Mr. Terkimbi marries Miss Famimi, and Terkimbi has a younger sister while Famimi has a brother, these individuals are now regarded as family members, akin to siblings. As per Tiv cultural norms, siblings should not marry, and consequently, they are also forbidden from entering into a marital union. This stands in contrast to the historical era of marriage by exchange when such restrictions did not apply.

Marriage by exchange (iyer ngior)

In the past, the Tiv people had a much more limited range of options when it came to marriage. Their primary form of marriage was known as “marriage by exchange.” This practice was driven by the desire to ensure that the names of their female children remained within the family, except in cases of death. To achieve this, if a man, for instance, had two sons and two daughters and wished to keep all of them within the family, he would allocate one daughter to each son. These sons would then exchange their sisters for wives. The wives would subsequently bear children, effectively replacing the sisters who had been married off. This process was instrumental in expanding the family’s size.

In scenarios where a man had more sons than daughters, the sons would possess their sisters in order of seniority. The eldest sons would marry and exchange their sisters for wives, while the younger siblings had to wait until their sisters reached marriageable age before they could participate in the exchange. This sometimes meant that the youngest son would remain unmarried for an extended period. Nevertheless, when the sisters of the younger brothers eventually became eligible for marriage, the youngest brother would have a surplus of female relatives from his older brothers. This situation led to a Tiv saying: “The junior typically ends up with more female relatives than anyone else.”

The youngest son, after having daughters of his own, would give one of them back to his older brother, the one from whom he had received a female relative in exchange for a wife. The older brother would then use the girl as compensation to exchange for another wife. In this way, Tiv brothers shared their female relatives among themselves and utilized them for marriage, thereby increasing the number of children in the family.

This practice of sharing female relatives for marriage exchange was known as “iye ingôr” among the Tiv. As a result, the brothers involved in this practice also became part of a unique family tradition known as “akombo.” As their population grew, they could establish smaller family compounds, but they would still retain the same family name. Furthermore, as their numbers increased even further, they formed a kinship group named after their common forefather.

the Tiv practice of marriage by exchange was a complex and intergenerational tradition that shaped family relationships and identity. To illustrate, let’s consider Shagba, who had two sons, Dennen and Usu, as well as two daughters. Shagba would allocate his daughters to both Dennen and Usu, with the understanding that his sons could not marry their own sisters. Consequently, Dennen and Usu would exchange their sisters for wives. For example, if Dennen wished to marry a girl he liked from another family, he would propose a marriage by exchange. The brother of the girl would have to consent to the exchange, agreeing to give his sister in exchange for Dennen’s sister. In this process, the girls had little say in determining their marriage partners.

Both Dennen and Usu would acquire wives through these exchanges, and they could then proceed to have children to expand the family. The sons of Dennen and Usu would continue the tradition of claiming their sisters, as outlined by Shagba. The more sisters one had, the more wives he could exchange them for. As long as Shagba was alive, all the children from his sons and grandchildren would be collectively referred to as the children of Shagba. Thus, if someone were to visit the hamlet where any of Shagba’s descendants lived, they would say they were going to the compound of Shagba. Even if a son considered himself old enough to establish his own home, he remained a subset of Shagba. Therefore, even after Shagba’s passing, his hamlet retained its identity, and visitors continued to declare that they were visiting the Shagba family.

Over time, after several generations, the children of Dennen and Usu would establish their own settlements. However, they would still be recognized as part of the Shagba dynasty. The children of Dennen would refer to the children of Usu as their paternal cousins, emphasizing their shared Shagba lineage. Meanwhile, they might consider themselves as maternal kinsmen, indicating that they originated from the same mother’s womb. This was a reminder that they were the descendants of the female child Shagba had provided to their immediate father, Dennen, for the purpose of exchanging for a wife. This practice is at the core of the Tiv culture’s ityô.

When members of Dennen’s family ventured into other areas and were asked to identify themselves, they would proudly proclaim their affiliation with the Dennen lineage of the Shagba dynasty. The same would be true for the children of the Usu lineage. Eventually, as the two lineages expanded, they would cease to collectively practice the same akombo tradition. Each lineage would establish its own distinct practices and customs. Despite the passing of Dennen and Usu, their families would continue to be recognized by the Shagba name, reinforcing the enduring legacy of Shagba’s influence on their family structure and identity. Today, one can observe a phenomenon where names like “Jato Aka,” even if the individual passed away many years ago, continue to be associated with a substantial group of people, sometimes as numerous as an entire village. These individuals are still recognized as the offspring or progeny of Jato Aka, emphasizing the enduring influence and legacy of Jato Aka’s lineage within the community.

Marriage by Kem

The term “kem” in the Tiv language refers to the process of accomplishing something gradually or piecemeal. This word has various applications in Tiv culture. For instance, if someone wanted to purchase a cow or a horse, they would save money incrementally, ensuring that they had enough to make the purchase. If anyone asked for money during this period, the response would be that it’s not possible because they are in the process of saving money for the cow.

In the contrast to traditional marriage by exchange, a man who was interested in a woman would need to give gifts to the girl’s mother, such as a hoe, cooking utensils, clothes, and offer money gradually to her uncles or cousins. These tokens were given in stages to the girl’s mother, leading to her being referred to as “ngô kem” and the father as “ter kem.” If the marriage proposal did not proceed as planned, the man could reclaim the kem tokens given to the girl’s family gradually during the courtship. If there was any outstanding amount, the man might even resort to selling a relative of the girl into slavery due to the frustration of not receiving the full refund.

Initially, marriage by exchange was the primary form of marriage in Tivland. However, over time, they adopted the practice of marriage by “kem” from the p and integrated it into their culture. When a man had a daughter, regardless of her age, an admirer could engage in the kem process. This would begin with the admirer offering a necklace to the girl, a symbol that she was being courted and not available for other suitors. The admirer would then proceed with the kem process by making various offerings to the girl’s mother. Once he offered a special mushroom called “ijôvtor,” the process was nearly complete, and he could claim the girl as his wife.

As wealthy individuals emerged in Tiv society, the kem process evolved, and various terms were used to describe it, such as “cohabiting,” “courting,” and “wanya.” “Cohabiting” meant a man living under the same roof as his intended bride and referring to her as his friend. “Wanya” described a man’s fiancée when she belonged to the same kinship group. “Courting” denoted an amorous relationship between a man and a young girl in the same neighborhood. These terms were associated with the kem marriage process.

As more wealthy men appeared in society, completing the kem process required additional payments. The girl would be mature by this time, and a father might charge as much as eighty pounds or a brother of the girl might demand a cow, depending on the girl’s desirability. If she was highly sought after, a substantial amount was expected, but for an average girl, the demand for money or gifts would be less.

After the suitor had completed the “kem” process, he was again required to provide a bed and a goat. The goat was killed, and the meat was shared among the kinsmen of the potential father-in-law. A few days later, the mother of the fiancée would invite women within the kindred group to accompany her in taking her daughter to her matrimonial home. So, by night, just after dinner, they would take the girl to join the fiancé in his home. He, in turn, would offer a chicken to each of the women. Then they returned, leaving the girl and the man to live as a couple.

Marriage by kem was very typical among the Tiv of the Shitire and Ukum clans. However, kem in the Kparev and Masev clans was a bit different. In the Kparev clan, bashi, a type of money, was mostly used. Thus, when a man loved a young girl, he continued to be generous towards the parents of the girl. He lavished them with a variety of gifts. As he kept being generous towards the parents of the girl, he automatically had the authority to start cohabiting with her. If, when he cohabited with the girl, he noticed another man coming around to compete with him, he had to do his best to have an edge over such a man. To do this, he offered the father of the fiancée about forty or sixty bashi to consolidate his authority over the girl. Then, if another man intruded, the parents of the girl would chase him away.

Next, the suitor provided a bed for the family and went about gloating that he had consolidated his grip on the girl. Sometimes people cohabited with a girl in her paternal home, and sometimes this led to an unwanted pregnancy, and the girl even bore the child in her paternal home. Another man did it differently; he eloped with the girl even before the pregnancy. The mother-in-law had to pursue them to the man’s house. But as she got there, the man lavished her with monetary gifts that kept the mother-in-law from insisting on taking the girl back. A few weeks later, the father-in-law would come to the man to demand the bride price. He could demand a high bride price, one hundred bashi or above, from the man. The suitor would definitely pay that amount, but not necessarily all at once. Another man, for example, might not be able to pay such a price. So the woman’s relations would have to take her away and exchange her as a wife for another person. In the Kparev clan, this young woman would be regarded as anmgbiankwase, a female relative, to the man who had married her for a short period.

Marriage by capture

The tradition of marriage by capture originated as an act of retaliation against the Mbaiyongo, a subgroup of the Udam ethnic group. The Mbaiyongo had a history of forcibly taking Tiv women as their wives during the period when the Tiv people were nomadic and migrating among various ethnic groups in the region. The Tiv later adopted this practice themselves after they settled down. The Mbaiyongo’s actions were so concerning that if the Tiv did not take action, they would have taken all the Tiv women before the Tiv reached Ibenda, their destination.

As the Tiv migrated south, they frequently encountered the Mbaiyongo, who posed a significant threat to them, particularly concerning their women. The Mbaiyongo would often set up ambushes, attack the Tiv, and capture their wives. However, they typically avoided women with disabilities or visible bodily injuries. This became a common practice for them. When the Tiv realized this, they devised a clever strategy to protect their women from the Udam.

Tiv men would grind the blood-red bark of the ikpine tree and apply it to the legs of their wives and daughters, wrapping their legs as if they were treating chronic sores. The blood-red juice from the ikpine would appear to be oozing from the legs like fluid from a wound. When the Mbaiyongo saw this, they believed the Tiv women were afflicted with severe sores and developed an aversion to them. This cunning ruse allowed the Tiv to move about in peace among the Udam with their wives and daughters.

However, some vindictive Tiv individuals later remembered this tactic and began to practice wife capture, which caused conflicts and issues within Tiv society. This practice spread and became a common behavior in Tiv culture. For instance, when a man and his wife were traveling through another clan, troublemakers from that clan might attack the traveler, seize his wife, hold him hostage, sell him into slavery, and then purchase a cow and slaughter it to appease the man’s wife. After the woman had been seezed, if the husband could escaped, he would hastily flee and call out for assistance. The captor, would then bring the woman home and marry her. His kinsmen would commend him for acquiring a wife from a man in the Ukan district. Historically, the husband, whose wife had been taken, would return to his own community and seek the help of a respected elder known for skillfully managing such negotiations and having a good reputation within the community. An elder from the community, often one whose mother hailed from the district where the wife had been taken, would intervene. This elder would select a messenger carrying ayande leaves, a symbol of peace, and instruct the messenger to return to their maternal home. The message conveyed was one of reconciliation, questioning the reason for the conflict and requesting the return of the seized wife. Upon receiving the peace token and the message, silence would prevail.

The elder in the wife’s district, having received the ayande, would summon the individual who had seized the wife. He would explain that the elder from the district of the aggrieved husband had sent the peace token as a plea for the wife’s return. The captor would be instructed to bring the woman back so that she could be returned with the maternal nephew, symbolizing unity between the conflicting parties. The captor would comply with the elder’s directive, as it was customary to obey the orders of an elder. Consequently, the woman would be surrendered to the elder, who would, in turn, entrust her to their maternal nephew for her safe return to her husband, resolving the matter.

However, over time, a change occurred. When a husband’s wife was seized and a maternal nephew was sent to retrieve her, the captor would often refuse to return her to the husband. Instead, the captor’s kinsmen would arrange a feast for the seized woman, openly defying and mocking the husband. This act of ridicule could lead to confrontations, similar to how a derogatory comment within a gathering might spark a reaction or uproar from others.

For instance, if Ugbadi had dispossessed Gande of his wife, Ugbadi would bring the woman home. Then, in the evening, young people would create music and celebrate the captured wife. They would mock the husband six times, stirring potential conflict or even violence. The situation could escalate to the extent that war would break out.

In some instances, while young men were mocking the husband from a tree, the enraged husband and his friends or kinsmen might quietly approach with a bow and arrows. Amidst the crowd’s jubilation, the furious husband might shoot the person deriding him from the tree, causing panic and a potential conflict. This would lead to an escalation, resulting in battle and casualties on both sides. Some would require treatment for arrow wounds, while others might succumb to the poisonous effects of these arrows.

Evolution of Marriage by Capture Among the Tiv People

The practice that facilitated free movement and interactions between different Tiv subgroups was known as “iye,” which involved luring women away from neighboring clans. Initially, this was a unique Tiv custom. In the past, some Tiv people were not on good terms with their neighbors because they often caused problems by forcibly taking wives from their fellow men. Despite efforts by the elders to curb this practice, it continued. The elders realized that this was an easy way for young men to acquire wives, particularly when they had no female relatives to exchange for a wife, as was the custom in the era before forceful captures.

Eventually, the elders convened and decided to regulate the practice of seizing wives so that it would become a more honorable tradition. They proposed that unmarried men should form groups, similar to the unity of soldier ants, referred to as “iyiyee” in the past, to search for wives. The term “iye” came to describe this culture of groups of young men moving together in search of wives.

Young men organized themselves into groups within various neighborhoods and ventured into neighboring areas in search of women to marry. For instance, individuals from the Shitire clan would explore adjoining neighborhoods in the Ukum clan, and this pattern continued.

The iye process did not begin immediately. First, the elders from both sides would meet, negotiate, and establish an agreement before initiating the iye. In serious cases, a covenant might involve a human sacrifice. For example, to establish an iye covenant between the Kpav district of Shitire and the Mbagen district of Kparev, a human sacrifice was required. Avaan, the father of Chief Hôm from the Mbagen district, willingly offered himself to be sacrificed, and this sealed the covenant, enabling both sides to acquire numerous wives.

In other instances, covenants were sealed with offerings such as a dog instead of a human sacrifice. These agreements allowed the people of different clans to acquire wives from each other.

In some clans, the covenant was established with a ritual involving a grindstone, where members from each ethnic group would cut their hands, allowing blood to flow onto the stone. This mixture was combined with locust-bean seasoning, salt, and red palm oil, and both sides would eat a small amount of this mixture. This act symbolized the bond between the clans, and they vowed never to shed each other’s blood. Such compacts or treaties were taken very seriously and strictly observed.

However, despite these efforts to prevent friction, disputes arose from time to time, even among those who had made such pacts, leading to wars and loss of lives before peace was restored.

Courtship and Rituals

After the iye tradition was established for seeking wives, a large group of young men would set out from their homes and travel in a long line to the clan with which they had an agreement. They made sure to prepare properly for this journey. They ground camwood and applied it to their clothing. They dressed their hair with patterns, some shaved their heads clean and added red camwood coloring. In those early times, young men wore loosely woven striped loincloths and loose coverings.

Upon reaching the other clan, they had a clear objective: to stay with a man whose mother belonged to their own clan, one of their igba. If there were many of them, they did not all stay with the same man but dispersed among different relatives. They often sought information from friends in that district who acted as go-betweens. These intermediaries would inform them about the girls in that district who were of marriageable age. They might say, “This girl has reached the age of puberty, and when you see her, you will surely be interested.” The go-between would provide the girl’s name and even her father’s name.

The young man seeking a wife would ask the go-between for information on the nearest water hole before going to sleep. The next morning, at the break of dawn, the young man would wake up, apply camwood on himself, and dust his head with it until it turned bright red. Then, he would sit by the water hole. As the girls came to fetch water, he would call out to the one whose name he had learned the day before and ask her to provide him with water to wash his face. This marked the beginning of their courtship. The girl found that day quite challenging.

After drawing water and placing the pot on her head, the young man followed her. He might be alone or accompanied by a friend. He talked incessantly to the girl, using compliments and making positive remarks to create a favorable impression. He praised her, saying things like, “Daughter of so-and-so, if you marry me, I will consider myself the luckiest man on earth. If you do, I will forsake all other women.” He spoke highly of himself, emphasizing his father’s wealth and property. “As soon as I get you, my father will sacrifice a cow, and that’s it. You won’t have to work anymore. Don’t you want to be highly respected?”

The friend assisting him would also fabricate stories about the young man, portraying him as exceptional compared to all other friends. When they reached the farm, the girl would spread leaves on top of a yam heap for the young man to sit on while he waited. Meanwhile, the friend continued to engage the girl, saying things she would appreciate. Although she enjoyed the flattery, she remained silent initially. She would finish her work and head back home, and the young men followed her. She gathered firewood to take home, and the young men also collected sticks of wood, carrying them on their shoulders to her village. They stayed with her as she ground corn, and the suitor sat on the palm stem on which she knelt while grinding. If he had a flute, he might play it to the rhythm of her pestle as she crushed the grain. If he couldn’t play the flute but his friend could, the friend would provide the music, and the girl would complete the grinding and sweep up the cornmeal.

Afterward, she would go to collect corn stalks for burning, and they would accompany her. She prepared the meal, but she was too embarrassed to eat. When it was time to sleep, they returned to their village, had some food, and then the girl could finally enjoy her meal. For several days, they all went hungry during the day, and both the girl and the suitors became thinner.

When they left, the go-between would have a private conversation with the girl on their behalf. When they returned, they were determined. The young men composed songs praising the girl, sometimes singing outside her door until dawn. They accompanied their singing with a calabash rattle or a small conical drum called the wangbande. In Kparev, people often danced to the beat of the kwem or gongs. They later used two drums, one male and one female, and danced to their rhythm. At times, they took many drums, and the night was filled with revelry, with no one getting any sleep.

Despite all this courting, it sometimes happened that a man failed to win the girl, as she chose someone else. In such cases, the disappointed suitor might shout out the name of his rival. However, if she intended to marry him, she gave him a pledge during the courtship period. In the past, before the Tiv people had much property, the pledge typically took the form of a finger ring. Later, the girl might offer strings of beads or even a woman’s loincloth called wanashisha. She placed these items in a small calabash bowl, similar to those used for holding camwood, and entrusted it to the go-between to deliver to the suitor. She did this discreetly because otherwise, her relatives would closely monitor her. When the pledge was given, she would specify the day the suitor could come and take her away, informing him of the location where they were to meet.

Courtship manners

When a girl found a suitor attractive during courtship, upon entering a house, she would arrange a seat for him near the edge of the room. She would sit down beside him and engage in conversation. However, if she didn’t find the suitor appealing, she would place a seat near the entrance, close to where water was stored. She would then go outside and claim that it was too hot inside. If the suitor attempted to talk to her, she would respond in a loud voice, appearing restless and irritable. Sensing these clear signals, a wise suitor would discreetly leave her be and turn his attention to another girl. Only a fool would overlook these cues and continue to waste time, risking the possibility of another suitor coming along to win her affections.

Capture(Anyam-amough)

Once the young woman had designated a day and place for her prospective lover, he would wait at the agreed “trysting-place” until she arrived, and then they would depart together. Sometimes, a girl might initially step out but then become hesitant and doubtful. In such cases, the suitor would have to insist and persuade her, sometimes resorting to force. Typically, girls preferred elopements to take place at dawn or in the early morning when the sun was just starting to warm the day.

When the capture was successful, the man would bring the girl to the home of one of his relatives or an age mate. As they approached the village, he would jubilantly cry out, announcing their arrival through song. After singing the song, he would call out again, sharing the news with the community, saying, “Zaki-o-o! News! News spreads quickly! Don’t delay on the way.” The news would rapidly spread, as the people recognized his voice, prompting them to rush out. Even those who were sleeping would wake up, and together with all the women and children in the village, they would run out to greet him on the path. They sang and joyfully announced the news.

The women would move the captured bride to the center of the group and cover her with a cloth, then slowly lead her into the house of a kinsman of the bridegroom. All the young men, accompanied by their cone-shaped drums, would enter and engage in spirited dancing and singing, with the drums beating rhythmically. That night was not meant for slumber but for celebration and merriment.

Marriage by inheritance

The Tiv people had a longstanding tradition of adopting the wife of a deceased relative. However, with the influence of colonialism, which brought changes to some Tiv customs, this practice diminished. When a woman lost her husband, it was typically the duty of the deceased’s brother or a son born from the deceased’s other wives to adopt the widow as his wife. The adopted widow was referred to as “kwase ichôghol” or “kwase dyako.” Nevertheless, the decision to adopt a widow was not made unilaterally by the adopting man.

In the process of adopting a widow, the man would convene his kinsmen, and the properties of the deceased, including the widow, would be distributed. The widow herself would have a say in choosing who would adopt her as his wife.

Here’s an example to illustrate this process: Consider a deceased man named Asom, his widow named Wantor, his brother Awua, and their uncle Naishô. After Asom’s passing, his properties, including his wives, needed to be distributed among his family members. Awua, Asom’s brother, gathered the relevant kinsmen and explained the situation. The “properties” referred to included the wives of the deceased. Each of the widows was expected to choose a husband on that occasion. In this case, Awua, who was the son of the deceased, became the husband of inheritance to Wantor, his father’s widow. Wantor expressed her preference for Awua, indicating that he had been caring for her even while her husband was alive.

Following Wantor’s choice, a ceremonial ritual took place, which involved passing a chicken between Awua’s and Wantor’s legs. This ritual was crucial, as it ensured that their union was spiritually binding. After the ritual, they were considered married. It’s worth noting that Awua would never refer to Wantor as his wife; instead, he typically called her his “adopted mother.”

There were two categories of widows: those who had no children with their deceased husband and those who did. If a widow had children with the deceased, their subsequent children with their adopted husband still carried the name of the deceased husband, not the husband of inheritance. Only the widow’s children from her marriage by exchange with a male relative bore the name of her adopted husband. This led to a complex web of relationships and names within the family.

It’s important to recognize that the Tiv people had varying customs, and not all adhered to the practice of adopting widows as wives. In the colonial era, the colonial government introduced measures to improve the situation of women, granting them the freedom to remarry after the death of their husbands. Despite these changes, some women still faced difficulties when male relatives refused to allow them to remarry. In some cases, these male relatives threatened the women, which further complicated their plight.

Furthermore, those who adopted widows as wives often treated them unfairly compared to their other wives. Widows were given fewer resources, such as clothing, food, and land for farming, and their living conditions may not have been as favorable. This situation had been a longstanding issue for widows in Tivland.

Modern marriage

As prosperity increased in Tivland, the display of wealth became more prominent, particularly when it came to marriage customs. When a man wished to marry a young girl using the traditional exchange marriage system, wealthier individuals often interfered by offering money in exchange for marriage. With little introduction, these affluent individuals would approach the girl’s brothers or cousins, influencing them with financial incentives. As a result, attention shifted to the wealthy suitor, and they would even persuade the girl’s brother to give her in marriage to the wealthy individual. Suitors who couldn’t match the financial offers were often left with no chance.

During the actual marriage ceremony, where a simple chicken might have been slaughtered for celebration, wealthy men would go so far as to sacrifice a pig. While a regular suitor might have just one folksinger accompanying him, wealthy men would arrive with a whole entourage. Upon reaching the marriage venue, they would quickly befriend young men from the bride’s community, forming pairs for the night of festivities and merrymaking. By the following day, the marriage negotiations would commence under the guidance of the elders. These negotiations involved substantial offerings, including chickens, money, and sokpo, an iron bar. Even the customary practice where the suitor’s family brought the woman to be exchanged to the home of the young woman he admired was no longer observed.

Instead, the girl’s brother or cousin would gather his peers and visit the suitor who was courting his sister or cousin. In this context, they would strive to outdo the wealthy suitor’s offerings during their visit. As a result, marriage became a matter of competition and ego among suitors.

In contemporary times, the institution of marriage within the Tiv community has evolved to embrace modern practices. In Tiv culture, when a man intends to marry, he is traditionally expected to provide various items as part of the marriage rites. These items typically include a substantial pig, a wheelbarrow, a knife, and other requisites. The specific list of required items can vary from one family to another. However, it can be categorized into two main sections: the “immediate requirements” and the “optional preparations for a later time.” Compulsory items that must be provided immediately include meat, fish, salt, palm oil, a knife, beverages with an opener, a chair, a wheelbarrow, a wrapper, and jewelry for the mother-in-law. Additionally, a pig and a young female goat are also among the necessary contributions.

Steps involved in the Modern marriage in Tivland

The process commences with a formal introduction. The groom, accompanied by a select few of his family members (at most 3 elders), pays an official visit to the bride’s family. During this visit, the groom typically presents palm oil, salt, a bottle of wine, and optionally, bushmeat. At this significant gathering, the two families agree upon the wedding date and engage in discussions regarding the bride price list which must not be above One hundred thousand Naira(₦100,000).
Following all the necessary preparations, the next stage is the wedding day. On this momentous occasion, the male and female members of the bride’s family are segregated into separate rooms. The groom, accompanied by his family members, enters the room where the male members of the bride’s family are located, and they engage in discussions concerning the dowry payment amount.
The third step involves the formal presentation of the bride price. After the dowry payment is settled, the bride’s father is presented with a list of gifts, which is a highly significant aspect of Tiv traditional marriage. An illustrative example of the bride price list is as follows:

Gifts for the Father:

Pig
Local Gin
Additional Alcoholic Drinks (usually given in monetary form)
Azenga (cowries)
Matches
Danchiki (an attire for the bride’s father)

Gifts for the Mother:

Bush meat
Umbrella
Palm oil
Wheelbarrow
Salt
Mudu (measuring bowl)
Mat (Tabruma)
Chair
Broom
Table
Necklace
Soft Drinks
Basin
Clothes

These gifts are offered as a symbol of respect and appreciation to the bride’s parents during the marriage proceedings.

4. Following the payment, the bride is presented to all the esteemed elder men of her family, who are regarded as her fathers. Subsequently, they, along with the groom, proceed to the room where the female members of the bride’s family are gathered. Here, the bride introduces her groom to her mother and seeks marital advice from her and the other women in the family.

5. Following this, the bride is escorted outside by her maternal figures, and she dances her way to her father’s seat. Her father offers her palm wine, and her task is to use this wine to locate her future husband. This symbolic act signifies that any man to whom she offers the wine will receive the blessings of her father, officially initiating the marriage. The bride successfully locates her groom and hands him the wine. He drinks from the cup and replenishes its contents with money. Subsequently, the prospective husband and wife dance together, returning to the seated father to receive his blessings. Once the blessings are imparted, the bride is ready to be escorted to her new home with her husband, following a period of celebration and discussions.

6. In the next phase, the youthful members of the bride’s family may request some financial contributions from the groom, although this step is not obligatory. Once these customs are concluded, the final part known as “kwase kuhwam” is initiated. During this phase, the groom’s family performs the ‘Swange’ and plays traditional music as a gesture of welcoming the bride into their family.

References:

Legit. “Apple Founder Steve Wozniak Suffers a Minor Stroke – Report.” Read more.
Akirga Sai. “Tiv History” (PDF file). [Provide additional information about the source, e.g., publication date or document title].
21st Century Chronicle. “How a Pig, Wheelbarrow, and Knife Get You a Tiv Bride.” Read more.
EveryCulture. “Tiv Marriage and Family.” Read more.
Cianna Michelle. “Marriage among the Tiv People of Nigeria.” Read more.
[Author]. “Tiv Traditional Marriage Values.” [Provide additional information about the source, e.g., publication date or document title].
Nigerian Info Finder. “Traditional Marriage Requirements in Tiv, Benue State.” Read more.
Pickas Blog. “Tiv Traditional Marriage Rite in Nigeria.” Read more.
[Moses Tsenôngu]. “Title.” Read more.